thewhitehouse

Everybody loves a hero

Thu, 29 May 2008 04:08:00 -0500

My friend told me the following story about his fraternity at a liberal arts school on the east coast. I have no idea what to make it of it, other than to note that human nature is a funny thing.

A guy in his frat, we’ll call him John, was extremely introverted. He had a hard time talking to women.

Not surprisingly, John was also a virgin in his 20s, despite being surrounded by drunk sorority girls.

The frat decided to help get him laid, but with a few rules. They wouldn’t tell John they were doing this (for obvious reasons) and they wouldn’t hire a prostitute.

They would just improve his social value.

At every party they threw from that point on, they would chant “Mule Cock” when he walked in. All the guys would laugh hard at his jokes, give him high fives when he walked by and talk him up to all the girls they’d meet.

After years of being unsuccessful, it took exactly one week to get him laid.

This sounds like some sort of urban legend, but my friend swears it happened at his frat. It also sounds like the rejected plot of an 80s movie.

I don’t care if they’re a virgin or not, but I am pretty sure we should do this.

alex

Nothing ever gets written here, and that makes me sad. Plus, no one ever joined. Fuck them.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 23:05:04 -0500

Nothing ever gets written here, and that makes me sad.

Plus, no one ever joined. Fuck them.

Andy’s onlinneeeeeeee alex

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:01:30 -0500

Andy’s onlinneeeeeeee

alex

Photo

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:14:14 -0500

Watching Battlestar!

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:31:15 -0500

WOO! Yeah! HAHAHA! YEAH!

|3r4\/\/1!

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:05:56 -0500

I improved greatly at the great bloodsport that consumes the herd. I used to be an weakling, a speck easily flicked. Now! fear me brethren, I have been blessed—blessed upon by basic skill. And he lives! to fight on.

A final thought, before an uneasy rest under a sharp moon; I don’t intend insolence… but I wish a scrap—a match!—with my lord.

And finally.

alex

Vociferous.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:37:08 -0500

At the party on Friday, I got into a discussion with several people about the word “vociferous.” I said that it means: “In a loud voice; offensively loud.” They said I was wrong, but I was so right. Take that, drunk people.

vo·cif·er·ous (v-sfr-s)adj. Making, given to, or marked by noisy and vehement outcry.

vo·cifer·ous·ly adv.vo·cifer·ous·ness n.Synonyms: vociferous, blatant, boisterous, strident, clamorous
These adjectives mean conspicuously and usually offensively loud. Vociferous suggests a noisy outcry, as of vehement protest: vociferous complaints.
Blatant connotes coarse or vulgar noisiness: “Up rose a blatant Radical” Walter Bagehot.
Boisterous implies unrestrained noise, tumult, and often rowdiness: boisterous youths.
Strident stresses offensive harshness, shrillness, or discordance: a legislator with a strident voice.
Something clamorous is both vociferous and sustained: a clamorous uproar.

andy

Dustin and Andy: A Discourse in... Something.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:43:09 -0500

Andy: Hey man! I haven’t seen you since elementary school! Still living in Lincoln?

Dustin: Yeah, actually I did a stint in the unarmed forces, so like, after that, I got all jaded and stuff and moved to LA to start my dog grooming/talent scouting agency. After having a lucid affair with a gold-digging collie (trained to sniff out and dig up gold), I decided that Jesus was my homeboy and moved back to the backwaters of Milwaukee. There I discovered that you don’t need Jesus to do heroin, and decided that my uncle was right, I WAS too gay for Milwaukee. So yeah, now I’m back in Lincoln.

Dude, remember Mrs. Chakakhan? She was SOO weird!

Dustin: And, I had no idea you were a cubs fan/ besties with my math teacher.

http://www.math.unl.edu/~s-adelegg1/

Andy: Yeah, Anty and I go back. Way back. I remember the deep, rough butt massages that he would give me. Also, the occasional butt message. Weirdly, I dated Mrs. Chakakhan after my dad was done dating her. I can’t blame him for the smells he stained onto her, but I can blame him for the smells he stained on me. Anyway, she’s a great woman and I’ll never forget: her penis.

I’m glad you’re back in Lincoln. I was thinking of moving back in 1983, but then I realized: that was 25 years ago and now my sense of time is eternally borked. I tried having a little talk with my sense of time, but I was late to our meeting. I don’t mean to be rude, but that image of me was taken at a very poor time. I had just escaped from Anty’s “‘I touch you there, hard!’ Closet” and that Cubs shirt was the only garment I could find that would cover all of my new wounds. My thick, sopping wet new wounds that just love to be called bad names. Luckily, I found him just in time for a photo op. His last photo op.

andy

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:51:30 -0500

Photo

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:02:21 -0500

testumblrone: (via milhouse) You cant go wrong! _alex_

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:44:15 -0500

testumblrone:

(via milhouse)

You cant go wrong!

_alex_

Naims "The Names" Naims

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:44:00 -0500

alex

Spring Break comes to an end.

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 18:02:39 -0500

I’m glad it’s over. I had my fun, but all of this partying has really sapped my energy. I need a break from this break. Sadly, I’m actually looking forward to going back to class and regaining some semblance of a life again, rather than the catatonic dreamlike state that I have been trapped in for the past week. I think I need to watch more BSG.

andy

How a week of partying makes me feel.

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 15:24:15 -0500

How a week of partying makes me feel.

The Top Ten Reasons to Watch Battlestar Galactica. andy

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:35:53 -0500

The Top Ten Reasons to Watch Battlestar Galactica.

andy

After waking up this afternoon--

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:03:35 -0500

I got to my computer after last night to find a document open named “coding while intoxicated” and nothing was written.

alex

KangarooNutsackNaziBalls

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:03:04 -0500

KangarooNutsackNaziBalls:

alex

(via testumblrone) alex

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:02:07 -0500

(via testumblrone)

alex

in yer site

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:01:58 -0500

messin with yer theme.

alex

This is Golden Hours by Brian Eno from the album “Another Green...

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:57:07 -0500

This is Golden Hours by Brian Eno from the album “Another Green World.” It’s a very simple and beautiful song. The guitar solo by Robert Fripp, the guitarist of King Crimson, is easily one of the prettiest things I have ever heard.

andy